Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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