Where did you get a picture of my penis
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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