Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
