I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize