he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize