i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
