I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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