I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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