u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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