I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
