There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
