Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize