I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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