It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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