just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
