I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
