no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
