when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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