Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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