There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
