I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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