this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
