wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
