Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
