M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you never un-have a 4some
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
