The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
