3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm eating all of the evidence.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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