You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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