so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
