i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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