She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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