My nipple is on Facebook.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
