Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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