this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
