If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
