On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
