In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
