He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
