i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize