My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
