Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
