she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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