i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
