the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
