Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
