I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
