Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
