We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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