I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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