you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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