i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
dude. I can hear the air.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
