I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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