Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
