What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
