Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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