Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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