i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
