yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
