I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I am morally bankrupt
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
