ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
