I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
