God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
