So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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