Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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