i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
