Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i came on her dog
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
